


In Other Words

by LostCauses (Anteros)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Smut, and shameless cliches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:36:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23700784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anteros/pseuds/LostCauses
Summary: Lover.  Levi had always shied away from the word, stubbornly refusing to face it, as if ignoring it would deny its truth.  But now there it was, the appalling truth of it laid bare before them.In the heat of the moment Levi lets slip a word he has always denied.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 17
Kudos: 212





	In Other Words

**Author's Note:**

> Written in response to an Anon ask: "Do you think that, during sex if Levi did something odd or a bit out of his normal character and then saw Erwin a bit confused, would he be so embarrassed that he would, not only leave right away, but also try to avoid Erwin for a while?"

“Please…” Erwin pleaded, head thrown back, fingers pressing bruises into Levi’s sweat slick thighs. “Please, Levi, harder.” 

Levi needed no encouragement. The sight of his Commander, cheeks flushed, disheveled hair scattered across his brow, begging for release, undid the last tattered shreds of his self-control.

“Come on baby,” he urged, the endearment slipping past his lips unnoticed and unbidden, as he snapped his hips forward, harder, faster. “Come on, come for me.” 

Erwin came with a long low moan, arching up off the bed, as Levi’s own orgasm tore through him, the sheer force of it obliterating everything but his overwhelming desire for the man beneath him. 

They lay together in the aftermath, warm cum cooling between them, as Levi sprawled, barely conscious, across Erwin’s heaving chest. 

“Fuck Erwin,” he slurred, struggling to catch his breath, “fucking love you.” 

It was only when Erwin stilled beneath him that Levi realized what he’d said. The full force of it crashing over him in a cold wave of terror. 

“Levi …” Erwin started, his voice so thick with emotion that it made something twist painfully in Levi’s chest.

“I should go,” Levi said, pushing himself off the bed before Erwin could continue, and scrambling into his clothes. 

Propped up on one elbow, Erwin watched him from the bed. 

“You could stay,” he said carefully. 

“You know I can’t do that,” Levi spat, sparing a glance over his shoulder as he tied his cravat with an irritated flick. “People will talk.”

“Let them,” Erwin shrugged. “I don’t care.”

But Levi was already gone, slamming the door behind him. Erwin sighed, and collapsed back onto the bed, closing his eyes, as the stillness of the room congealed around him. 

Sex for Levi had always been a perfunctory business. A basic, if inconvenient, human need to be satisfied like any other. It was rare for Levi to search out another warm body to satisfy the urge that ached in his bones, but on the infrequent occasions he did, a faceless fuck in an alleyway was enough to meet his needs. It was better that way. Quicker, simpler, no messy emotional attachments, no risk of affection, of feeling anything that could only lead to remorse and regret. 

But that was before joining the Survey Corps. In spite, or perhaps because of, the precarity of their existence, the knowledge that their lives could be brutally snatched away at any moment, the Survey Corps’ surviving veterans formed deep bonds with their comrades. 

“You’re fucking crazy, you know that right?” Levi groused at Mike one night. The older man was smiling fondly as he watched Nanaba weaving their way towards them through of the crowded bar, carrying two tankards of beer in either hand. “You could be Titan shit tomorrow.” 

“Titans don’t shit, you know that.” Hange butted in, waggling a finger at him. Levi swatted them away, wrinkling his nose. 

Mike just shrugged, smiling as Nanaba placed the drinks on the table in front of them. “All the more reason, to take it where you find it.” 

And take it they did. All except the Commander, who was widely regarded as being above such things. A cold bastard, with a heart of stone. Only Levi knew differently. 

He couldn’t deny the thrill that ran through him the first time he felt the Commander’s gaze fall on him. The heat and weight of it startled him and set his blood rushing. An entirely unfamiliar feeling, but not an unwelcome one. 

He’d responded out of curiosity, to see if he could recapture that unexpected feeling, to find out if the Commander really was a man of flesh and blood under that implacable façade. He was. And oh what a man. Their first encounter devastated Levi, leaving him stunned and shaken, desperate for more. 

To his surprise, Erwin turned out to be a fond and affectionate lover, a million miles from the austere, intimidating persona he presented to the world. Attentive to Levi’s every mood, he learned to pick him apart at the seams with such ruthless dexterity that it shook Levi to the core. But what shocked Levi even more was that Erwin gave himself with equal generosity, laying himself bare with appalling humility and unimaginable tenderness. 

What started as a casual arrangement soon became a regular one, and though Levi could feel himself slipping, he was powerless to resist. An inexorable force was drawing them irresistibly together and Levi found, that for all his strength, he could no more stop it than he could stop the sun from rising and setting. Truth be told, Levi did not want to stop it. Erwin was the breath in his lungs, the strength in his sinews, the force that drove him forwards, the steadfast vision he followed. But more than that, Erwin was the embrace that circled him and held his broken pieces together, the heat that swelled in his chest filling the cold empty places inside him, the name he cried out breathless and gasping. Erwin, his commander, his liege, his lover. 

Not that Levi would admit it, he shied away from the word, stubbornly refusing to face it, as if ignoring it would deny its truth. But now there it was, the appalling truth of it laid bare before them. Unwilling to face the consequences of this revelation, and unable to run, Levi went out of his way to avoid Erwin in the days and weeks that followed. He found endless excuses to skip meetings and briefings with the squad leaders in Erwin’s office, visited the officers’ mess only between meal times, earning the opprobrium of the cooks, and spent endless hours on the training grounds drilling the recruits until they dropped. He even sought sanctuary in Hange’s basement workrooms until they lost patience and turfed him out. 

“You again?” Hange snapped when he turned up for the fourth afternoon in a row. “What the fuck is going on Levi? Whatever you and Erwin have fallen out about I wish you’d make it up, because I’m busy here and you’re getting under my feet.” 

“What the fuck?” Levi started, but Hange was already shoving him unceremoniously out the door. 

The stable block was his last refuge. Barring a familiar nod, the stable hands paid him little attention and any soldiers who happened to be present generally minded their own business and left Levi to his. Soothed by the soft stamp and whinny of the horses, and lulled by the familiar task of grooming his black mare, Levi was almost able to forget the hurt that lingered in Erwin’s eyes, to convince himself that the fateful slip of the tongue had simply never happened.

But it had. Nothing could take it back, and the longer Levi avoided Erwin, the more he was consumed by regret, shame, anger, and remorse. 

“Levi.”

Levi looked up from where he was cleaning the mare’s fore hooves; absorbed in his task, he had barely noticed the stable hands closing up the stalls for the night, the soldiers returning to the barracks. The sun was starting to set, bathing the interior of the stable block in a soft rosy glow, empty now but for himself and the Commander. 

“What do you want?” he snapped. 

Erwin smiled ruefully and shook his head. 

“You know I could reprimand you for speaking to your commanding officer like that?” 

“So? Why don’t you?” 

“Levi…” Erwin took a step forward, and Levi tried not to notice that way the soft light gilded his hair. “You must know that’s not why I’m here.” 

“Why are you here then?” Levi crossed his arms over his chest and stared defiantly at the Commander. The mare stamped and tossed her head, sensing his sudden change of mood. Erwin reached out a hand to calm her and she nuzzled into his palm. 

“There’s no need for you to go to such lengths to avoid me Levi. You don’t need to keep running.”

“I’m not,” Levi started, “I haven’t…” 

“I know.” Erwin said simply. “What you said…I’ve known for some time. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a gift, and I don’t know how I can ever repay you, but I promise that I…”

Suddenly Erwin stopped and blinked, peering at Levi in the low light. 

“Oh,” he said softly. “You didn’t know? Until then, you didn’t know.” 

The denial died on the tip of Levi’s tongue and he frowned and looked away. 

“Levi,” Erwin stepped towards him. “It’s alright you know.”

“What’s all right?” Levi asked. He had a desperate urge to run but Erwin was close enough for him to smell his faint scent of ink and cologne and he yearned to close the gap between them, to lean his head against his chest, to loose himself in that familiar warmth. 

“It’s alright to love.”

“You could be dead tomorrow,” Levi muttered, “or worse.” He still couldn’t bring himself to look Erwin in the face, afraid of what he might see there.

“I know, and so could you. That’s all the more reason to make the most of it don’t you think?” 

It sounded so obvious, so easy.

“You sound like Mike.” Levi replied.

“Is that so?” 

“Yeah, he said something similar.” 

“Well you know,” Erwin continued, “sometimes Mike’s worth listening to. He hasn’t survived this long without learning a thing or two.” He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was low, quiet. “It’s not the word that makes it true Levi, it’s everything else. And besides, there are other words.” 

“What words?” Levi finally looked up to meet Erwin’s gaze, brimming with such hope, such desire, such belief, that it almost floored him.

“Captain.” Erwin reached out and brushed a lock of dark hair off Levi’s brow. 

“Comrade.” A callused thumb swept lightly over the arch of his cheekbone.

“Right hand man.” Warm lips set a kiss on his forehead. 

“That’s three words,” Levi murmured.

“Sorry.” The kisses moved to his cheek.

“Trusted companion.” Levi closed his eyes, leaning in to the kiss. 

“Humanity’s Strongest.” 

“Fuck off.” Levi snorted pushing Erwin away, but strong hands caught him, circling his waist, drawing him into the embrace. 

“Wait there’s one more.”

“What’s that?” Levi tried his hardest to affect a skeptical scowl, but it was spoiled by the smile that was pulling at the corner of his mouth. 

“Friend.” Erwin breathed against his lips. 

“Friend,” Levi agreed as he melted into the kiss.


End file.
